The Prodigal Son
by Katnz17
Summary: It's been a long hard summer for Jude who hasn't yet come to terms with Tommy's abrupt departure. When Tommy suddenly and mysteriously returns he brings with him a surprise you won't see coming, that will turn Jude's world upside down.
1. Prologue

**The Prodigal Son**

**A/N:** This is my first attempt at Instant Star Fanfiction. Please, please, please respond and let me know what you think or even just let me know you're reading.

**Set**: Story starts 3 months after the events of The Season 2 Finale.  
**Summary:** It has been a long hard summer for Jude; she has only just come to terms with Tommy's abrupt departure and three-month absence. Her life finally seems to be getting back on track with exciting new developments in her career not to mention a hot new member of the G Major family. Then Tommy returns as suddenly as he left and Jude's world is once again turned upside down.  
**Rating**: I've rated the story T to be on the safe side but it's probably more of a K.

**Prologue:**

I'll be the first to (bravely) admit that I've been a little crazy this summer. I could lie to myself and say that it's just growing pains and that I've been stretching a little, trying new things, pushing the envelope and all that but then I could actually be honest and admit that Tommy's leaving has simply messed with my head.

It hurts like hell whenever I think about it. I thought I had a pretty good idea of where our relationship stood. He'd once pleaded with me to truly see him and believe in him and I'd done it with all my heart and then... he left. Sadie once said to Jamie not to get between Tommy and me because we choose each other every time, how wrong was she? Tommy left me in the street screaming at him to come back and drove away.

I was concerned at first; I left hundreds of messages on his cell phone as vivid images of him lying dead in some ditch somewhere played through my mind. Somewhere along the way, the images changed as anger set in. At one point, I may have even imagined him lying dead in a ditch at my own hand (Ok, maybe more then once...). There was a stage when I called his cell phone just to hear his voice on the answering machine, then two months after he left I removed his number from my cell phone address book. It was a pointless gesture really, considering I knew the number off by heart.

The thing that surprised me the most was the fact that Tommy never told anyone why he was leaving. In fact, I was the only person he actually said good-bye too. Darius was so angry when he worked out Tommy was not planning to come back. I had been so upset the day he had Tommy's office packed up. He talked about turning it into a studio but it is just sat empty these last couple of months.

Come on Jude. Forget about Tommy, people might actually think your world revolved around him...

I changed my look a month after my record went number one. I died my hair black much to Sadie's horror (you wouldn't believe the amount of insults she's managed to come up with) and started wearing darker make-up (no black lipstick or anything like that - though I can tell Patsy would love to do my make-up for me sometime - just darker eyeliner and stuff like that). My clothes are darker too, mostly black and red. Jamie told me I was going Goth but I just rolled my eyes.

My music has changed too. I don't really know how to describe it. Perhaps some of the youthful optimisms gone but it's all heavier and sometimes even a little scarier but it's emotion that's straight from the heart and no ones minding. Early responses from the fans have been extremely positive. When Tommy left, I was sure my music had gone with him but it didn't. _Our _music died but I discovered a new level of music that was just mine.

Patsy and Spiederman Mind Explosion have been working on their debut albums and G-Major is all abuzz with the excitement of it. Spied and I have managed to remain good friends since our break-up (As he said, we're more Bart and Lisa Simpson then Romeo and Juliet) and he's been a great support with my music. He's the guy I go to when I need advice on a particular chord progression or just a straight up opinion regarding my lyrics. I dread the though of SME going on tour without me, I dread the thought of me going on tour without SME. We haven't found a replacement band but with no solid tour dates set at this point I'm not worried.

Sadie... she and Kwest are adorable. They are like the perfect couple, the only inspiration this broken heart has to show that relationships actually sometimes work and don't end with one person tearing the others heart out…


	2. Chapter 1: Changes at GMajor

**Chapter 1: Changes at G-Major:**

Everyone was piled into Darius' office awaiting his big announcement. I could not help feeling nervous, Darius was a drama queen, sure but these announcements often resulted in something big that affected us all.

Today it was the announcement of a new artist signed to the Major G label. I let out a sigh of relief. His name was Guy and he was rapper/R&B singer. I cringed at that announcement hoping he would not be anything like Shay.

"To kick of publicity we'd like his first single to be a duet with Jude" Darius said, looking at me with a 'don't dare argue' expression.

I smiled.

"Come on in G" Darius called.

Ok, hottie alert. Guy, or G as he was obviously called, was tall about 6 foot 2 with a dark skin tone a few shades darker then a tan, dark hair and piercing nearly black eyes. He reminded me of Shay but at the same time, he was completely different. He was dressed like an ordinary guy with no pants hanging down at his knees and no annoying 'bling bling'.

G went around the room shaking everyone's hand and repeating their name. When he got to me, he smiled and said 'Magnifique' as he kissed the back of my hand. I felt myself blushing but at the same time, an image of Tommy ran through my hand. The French a reminder…

---

G and I were sitting in the studio discussing our single. I'd been working on a love song, which I showed him.

"That's great," He said after slowly reading through the lyrics and getting me to play the chorus, "It's so angry though."

"Well I was thinking we could make the song an argument between two former lovers. We could duet on the chorus and have a verse each. What do you think?"

He nodded, "I like it"

We spent the rest of the day working out the details and practicing the song together. I just hoped G would never ask me what my inspiration was. I would never admit to anyone that most every song I wrote these days in someway related back to Tommy.

"So Jude" G said as we were packing up at the end of the day "Fancy going to see a movie tonight?"

I smiled. G was cute, we made good music together and at nineteen, he was not too old for me. He met all the criteria I had for guys I'd only known a day. "I'd love to"

---

"I'm concerned about Jude," Sadie said as she sat watching a DVD with Kwest.

He smiled patiently; the two of them had had this conversation so many times since Tommy left. "I know honey"

"I just don't understand her anymore. Her hair, ugh, she looks like Morticia and her music. It creeps me out" She shuddered.

"It is good music Sadie. The fans love it. She's never been more successful then she is today"

"She's just so sad all the time... since Tommy left"

Kwest glanced over at Sadie suddenly. It was the first time she'd ever acknowledged the relation Tommy had to Jude's current state. "You think he's the reason?" He asked.

She looked him in the eye, "There's no doubt Kwest" She glanced down again "I just wish there was something I could do to make it better. I actually want to strangle Tommy more now then; I did when I thought he was cheating on me. If I were to see him again well I don't know what I'd do"

There was a knock on the door and Kwest got up to answer it while Sadie paused their movie and decided to rewind a chapter since they'd missed most of it while talking. When she finished Kwest still hadn't returned. She got up and walked to the door, hearing hushed conversation coming from the doorway. She peered around the corner but couldn't see who Kwest was talking to. The conversation gradually became more heated and Sadie was able to catch the occasional word. 'Fault', 'had to', 'serious', 'family' and 'Jude'.

Her curiosity getting the best of her she called out "Who is it Kwest?"

As Kwest turned to face her she was finally able to see past him, "Tommy?" She said her jaw dropping.

"Sadie?" Tommy glanced from Kwest to Sadie "Oh fantastic" And with that he turned and walked away.

"Tom, man, wait!" Kwest called after him "Just come inside, I'll make you a coffee and we can talk"

Tommy just waved as he got into the scruffy car idling in the driveway and drove away.


	3. Chapter 2: The First Date

**Chapter 3: First Date**

"What was that about?" Sadie asked as Kwest closed the door and walked over to her.

He shrugged, not meeting her gaze.

She glared at him "Come on Kay. You know more then you're letting on"

"Tommy's got problems ok?" Kwest said with a shrug "I'm his friend, I keep his secrets and I don't think he wants me discussing them with you"

Sadie frowned, feeling anger boiling in her blood, "You mean you knew something about where he's been all this time?"

"What? No! Today is the first time I've heard from Tommy since the day before he left!"

"Then your _friend_ who're your defending and protecting left without so much as a good-bye or 'hey man I'm ok' for three months yet you put him before your girlfriend?"

"Wait, hold on. I'm not defending _any_ of Tommy's recent actions. He screwed up and hurt a lot of people and that isn't cool. He is my friend, however, and I'm not going to disregard all the times he's been there for me when I screwed up. Secondly, I'm not putting him before you at all. This isn't your business Sadie and I shouldn't have to tell you anything."

"Tommy may not be my business" Sadie said, putting her hand on her hips and sticking her face close to Kwest in a threatening way "But Jude is! If he thinks he's going to come back and mess with her head again he's got another think coming. Personally, I think you need to reassess your priorities. Call me when you're done" She retrieved her purse from the lounge, got her jacket and walked out the door.

"Come on Sadie" Kwest said as he followed her, "You're being unreasonable. Sadie, please…" but as he watched she got into her car, slammed the door loudly and drove away.

Sighing Kwest went back into the house.

---

G and I had gone to see a new thriller at the theatre. I'd anticipated the occasional edge of your seat moment but much to my horror (no pun intended) the film was turning out to more horror then action. I'm still an absolute wimp when it comes to horror movies.

I guess G noticed my discomfort because he soon started doing things to distract me. There was a woman a few rows ahead of us wearing a rather unusual hat. It resembled a top hat and extended quite a distance above her head, the middle of the top of the hat dipped in. G started to pretend like the hat was a hoop and began gently tossing popcorn in its direction.

Thankfully we were in the back seat and no one else was beside us or in any of the rows in front of so G's antics went unnoticed. At the third attempt he succeeded in landing a kernel on the woman's hat where it sat patiently until she jumped during a gory scene and it fell dejectedly to the floor. She was never the wiser.

G threw his hands up in a silent cheer and I had a hard time containing my laughter. As a woman died on screen and blood splattered anywhere I hardly even noticed as I just about choked on my popcorn with tears of laughter in my eyes.

"You know, I'm quite an expert pop corn tosser" G whispered in my ear when my laughter died down. His breath was warm and tickled my skin.

"Oh really?" I whispered back, smiling. "How does one become an expert pop corn tosser?"

"A Jedi never reveals his secrets" He said with a knowing wink. "But if you're good maybe one day I'll show you"

I grinned. I'd never had this much fun at a movie, let alone a horror movie.

---

After the movie G and I decided to stroll around town for awhile before returning to his car. The shops were all closed, save the occasional bar. G, however, was happy to window shop with me. Something most any guy I know would die at the though of. I could tell he wasn't overly thrilled with it either but the fact that he made the effort and didn't complain really meant something.

"You would look so fine in that dress" He said pointing in the window of an expensive boutique where the most beautiful sapphire gown adorned a plastic mannequin. It was strapless with a long flowing skirt and a beaded bodice.

"It's gorgeous" I breathed. I tried not to smile as G subtly put an arm around me and we continued down the street.

The peace was broken when a car came tearing round the corner with a screech of breaks and a gust of exhaust fumes. It sped past us and I spun around to watch it.

"Driving like an idiot" G said with a shake of his head. "Hey, you ok Jude?"

I nodded and forced myself to turn back to face him "Yeah, I'm fine" I said with a forced smile.

But I wasn't fine. There was something about the driver of that car and though I told myself over and over for the rest of the night that I must have been imaging things… I could have sworn it was Tom Quincy.


	4. Chapter 3: Tommy's Return

**Chapter 3: Tommy's Return**

I yawned sleepily as I walked into the kitchen the next morning. It still felt so strange living at Dad's and not the house I'd grown up in. Everything was so unfamiliar.

"Hey" Sadie said glumly as she walked into the room "How was your date last night?"

I grinned "It was great! Guy's a really great guy"

Said smiled, though it looked like something of a forced smile "That's great Jude." She put some toast into the toaster.

"You know what's weird though? I could have sworn I saw Tommy drive past as we were leaving the theatre, "I shook my head. "Strange huh? It can't have been him though. I'd never seen the car before, it was old and scruffy and something he wouldn't be caught dead driving. Sade, are you ok?"

Sadie had frozen mid way through pouring herself a coffee and the water was spilling over the side of her cup. "I'm fine!" She said in a fake cheery voice as she quickly mopped up the mess "I'm just… not awake yet."

"Hmmm" I said. I'll admit it, I was daydreaming about Guy and it felt _great_! For once Tommy wasn't the dominating thought in my mind. Maybe I was finally starting to move on? Maybe I was actually getting over Tom Quincy.

---

"Hi girl" Guy leaned over to kiss me on the cheek as I walked into the studio.

I smiled and felt myself blushing a little. "Hi G. What's up?"

"I've been working on our song" He said as he ushered me over to a stool. I've come up with a rap for the second verse. Let me know what you think. He cleared his throat and rapped:"

"_My hate is blinding me  
That's not something I want to be  
I don't want to hate you for that day  
I don't want my life to go that way  
I won't hate you anymore  
This anger stays behind when I walk out that door  
It's through_"

I smiled and sung "It's through" as an echo. "I really like that" I said.

He smiled. We worked on the song all morning. It was finally starting to come together.

**My verse: **  
_You let me down, one too many times  
You hound my dreams, but I wish it would just end  
I'm over you, I've said it so many times  
Good-bye to you, you left me in the dust.  
So long, good-bye, I must… get over you_

**The chorus, sung together: **  
_So baby I'm screwed up  
By how we messed up  
And the way we said good-bye  
I'm so angry and can't get over  
The way we'd always lie  
Good-bye to you. _

**Shay's rap**  
_My hate is blinding me  
That's not something I want to be  
I don't want to hate you for that day  
I don't want my life to go that way  
I won't hate you anymore  
This anger stays behind when I walk out that door  
It's through_

**Chorus repeated**

**Me**  
_It's through_

**G**  
_Good-bye_

**Together**  
_Good-bye to you_

My inspiration for the song had of course been Tommy. I wondered in the back of my mind if there was a certain person inspiring G. I really liked the direction he'd taken the song. My original (solo) version had been bitter and angry but with G's input the song had gone from a screaming match to a sad acknowledgment of a relationship that was over and two people who could never go back.

I shivered as I thought again of Tommy and that kiss we'd shared after recording 'White Lines', a mere week before he left. So it's through. Is it really good-bye to you?

---

Sadie sighed as Kwest walked over to her. "I'm working" She said as he leaned on her desk.

"I can see that" He leaned over and spun her computer screen around to face him. The screen showed Sadie's favorite internet hangout: The Portrait Forums, an Internet chat forum. "I assume this is market research of some sort?"

She glared at him and turned the screen back to face her, "Ok, so I was taking a momentary social break. Sue me"

"I'll refrain" He said with a smile, "But I wouldn't mind taking you out to dinner tonight"

Sadie glanced at him, "You've reassessed your priorities then?" She asked.

He frowned, "Sadie I don't go inquiring into your friend's private lives. I know that it does relate to Jude in a way but that still doesn't qualify as a reason for me to betray Tommy's trust. I absolutely adore you" He paused "I love you in fact"

Sadie's eyes widened, it was the first time he'd ever said that.

"I hope you can understand" He leaned over and kissed her forehead before walking away to join Jude and Guy in the studio.

Sadie chewed on her bottom lip as she sat at the computer. Was she being childish and selfish asking Kwest to reveal the reason of Tommy's absence? Did he even know? She wished Tommy were no longer any of her business and she could completely forget about his existence but she'd seen what his abrupt departure had done to Jude. It had caused a domino effect knocking her first into a breakdown, then a dark makeover, a dark change to her music, and a new partying trend (She often didn't return home till well after midnight and despite being underage she often came home drunk). Sadie was worried she'd get into something heavier like drugs.

Did Sadie dare risk her relationship with Kwest which she didn't doubt was love and the first relationship she'd been in with true lasting ability? She hated the fact that she hadn't told Jude about Tommy's return last night but she'd been so happy and what would Sadie have said anyway? "Tommy came back last night. He looked like crap. That's all I know" Yeah that would help the situation so much.

She shrugged. For all she knew Tommy had left town again already. Maybe she could just forget about everything and continue as if nothing had happened.

She smiled. Kwest loved her.

---

Guy and I had gone clubbing to celebrate the completion of our song. We'd been working hard for the last week or so and had just recorded the final version earlier that day. Darius was really excited about the track and already talking about shooting a video the next week.

I could feel the base thumping through my veins the moment we walked into the club. Grinning to myself I grabbed G's hands and led him out onto the dance floor. We danced to a number of fast paced techno beats getting closer to one another with each track.

During the fourth track he placed his hands on my hips and pulled me close to him then leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him a little closer. The music forgotten we stood in the center of the dance floor, strobe lights playing over us and kissed for the first time.

After a number of dizzying kisses G reluctantly pulled back. For the first time I noticed the amused glances being cast our way and the fact that a different song had started. "You want a drink?" G whispered into my ear, his breath tickling my neck and sending chills down my spine.

I nodded and he left to get the drinks while I continued to dance on the dance floor. A couple of girls who were there on their own came over to join me casting 'he's so cute' glances in G's direction and winking at me. I laughed. Life was feeling pretty good.

As Guy was motioning for me to join him at a table I caught a glimpse of someone at of the corner of my eye. I spun to try to get a better look to confirm my suspicions but the person was gone. I couldn't decide what was wrong with me but I seemed to be seeing Tommy everywhere lately.

I joined G at the booth and sipped the Vodka he'd purchased for me. I liked not having to argue with the bartender about my age. Sometimes they would accept my fake ID, sometimes I had to play the celebrity card and sometimes just throwing a tantrum worked. G happily supplied drink after drink as the night progressed.

I motioned to G that I was going to the bathroom then set out to maneuver myself through the dancing crowd to get to the bathroom on the other side of the building.

"Why if it isn't Jude Harrison?" A guy said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him.

"Hi" I said as I wrestled my arm away from him "Excuse me" I turned to leave but he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me back toward him.

"Let go of me!" I said firmly.

"Come on now honey. Can't spare a dance for one of your biggest fans?" He said, his speech slurred.

I tried to pull away but his grip was strong, the people around us were so lost in the music that no one noticed my distress. I'd lost site of Guy so couldn't get his attention.

I stomped on the guys foot and elbowed him in the stomach as hard as I could but he still wouldn't release his grip "Let go of me you pig!" I yelled.

I was about to start panicking when someone put a hand on the guys shoulder and spun him around to face him, his grip on me loosened and I pulled away. "The lady requested you let her go" A familiar voice said.

I was struggling to regain my balance which I'd lost when the guy suddenly released me, all of a sudden those Vodkas were affecting me and I stumbled and fell on the dance floor as the dizzying strobe lights started to make my head pound. I glanced around trying to work out what had happened. I remembered a voice that tugged on the edge of my drunken consciousness. What was it? Who?

I glanced up. I could see the back of the guy who'd grabbed me but not the person who'd come to my rescue. Just then a punch was swung and my attacker nearly fell on top of me. I quickly slid backward to avoid him then stared in a state of stupor as the guy rolled back and forth on the floor clutching his nose which was bleeding rapidly.

"Are you ok?" That voice. I knew where I knew that voice. I glanced away from the blood and back up to see my rescuer leaning over and helping me up.

"Tommy?" I asked, my voice quivering.


	5. Chapter 4: Goodbye to you

**Chapter 4: Good-bye to you**

Tommy offered a hand and pulled me to my feet without saying a word. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He looked so tired and ill that I felt like crying. His hair was a mess and not it's usually overly styled self, he had bags under his eyes and his skin was pale, mostly he looked sad and so much older then his twenty-four years.

He steadily held my gaze. The music had been turned down and a crowd had formed around us. Guy pushed his way through and rushed over to me. "Are you ok?"

For the first time I glanced away from Tommy and felt him finally drop my hand. "I'm fine" I tried to offer a reassuring smile to G but I couldn't stop shaking.

I turned back to Tommy but he'd disappeared "Tom?" I called, whirling around and scanning the faces of the crowd hoping to catch sight of him. With the fight over the crowd was starting to disperse and dance once again to the music that had been turned up.

"He went that way" A girl said, pointing to the back exit.

"I'll be back in a second" I said to Guy then ran for the exit.

I reached the back alley and pushed open the heavy steel door. Tommy was halfway down the alley heading toward a car parked at the end, the same car I'd seen that night after G and I had gone to the movies. So it had been Tommy…

"Tommy!" I called. He didn't stop but quickened his pace toward the car. Swearing under my breath I ran after him, splashing through puddles and rubbish and shivering in the cool night air. I'd worn a skimpy, shimmering, strapless top. When I left home that night I'd loved how sexy I felt in the risqué item but now I just wished it were warmer. "Tom!" I called again as I finally caught up with him.

He froze where he stood, still not turning to face me, "Tommy, please" I said as I put a hand on his shoulder.

He finally turned to face me and my breath once again caught in my throat at the sight of him. "Look, Jude. I'm sorry" He said, "Please… just pretend you never saw me ok?"

"What? Tommy, no!" I tried to touch his arm but he pulled back.

"Just forget about me, ok?" He turned and walked to the car, his shoulders slumped dejectedly.

I stood there, tears pooling in my eyes as it began to rain. Once again I watched the man I loved drive away. "Good-bye to you" I whispered under my breath.

---

Sadie was curled up in front of the sofa watching a Romance, a box of tissues at her side when I stormed into the room.

"Is this another of those artistic dramas or did your date with Guy not go well?" Sadie asked.

I sank down onto the floor and put my head in my hands. "Oh Sadie, I feel like I'm going crazy"

Sadie moved from the sofa to sit next to me "What happened?"

I looked up at her feeling a tear spill out of my eye "You know how I said I thought I saw Tommy the other day?" Sadie's eyes widened as she nodded. "Well I saw him tonight, at the club" I told her everything that had happened and watched as her eyes grew wider and wider.

"Oh Sade, he looked terrible... like, really unwell. I always thought I'd be so happy to see him again but now I'm just so worried. I don't get why he wouldn't talk to me. I can't decide if I'm mad at him or if I should hire a Private detective to track him down!"

Sadie smiled ruefully, "Somehow I don't think he'd appreciate that very much. I know its hard Jude but I think you just need to forget about Tommy for the time being. Maybe you'll never see him again and even if you do you need to wait for him to work out whatever he's got going on." She ruffled Jude's hair "You could be quite the complication"

"It hurts Sadie" I said "It hurts so much"

---

Kwest was frowning as he read over some song lyrics Jude had written earlier that day. She'd asked for advice regarding the chorus but he was having a hard time coming up with an alternative. The song was heart wrenching and fill of tears. He cringed knowing full well that the song was about Tommy.

'IFallen lives and fallen lies. You never fetched me the stars/I'.

There was a knock at the door and grateful for the distraction Kwest tossed the lyrics down on his coffee table and walked to the door. He hoped it was Sadie, she'd apologized earlier that day and he was looking forward to getting their relationship back on track.

"Tommy!" He said in surprise.

It was raining outside and Tommy appeared drenched. "Hey" He said uncertainly "I was hoping… I could I talk to you" He paused, looking at the ground. "I really need someone to talk to..."

"Tom! Of course" Kwest stepped aside and Tommy walked into the room, shoulders slouched and eyes downcast.

"Sadie… isn't here again is she?" Tommy asked, glancing back at him.

"Nah, it's just the two of us" Kwest closed the front door and turned to Tommy "Hey, you want a towel or something?" He asked.

Tommy nodded. Kwest got him a towel and a hot coffee and the two of them sat down at the kitchen table. They were silent for a while, Kwest waiting for his friend to find the words to say what he wanted to say and Tommy trying to do just that.

Tommy finally glanced at Kwest before returning to staring into his coffee "Look, I'm sorry about the other day. It was wrong of me to turn up like that. I'm sorry if I interrupted you and Sadie's" He paused, thinking about what he'd interrupted "…date?" He looked at Kwest questioningly.

He nodded, "We started dating the day you left. I never got the chance to tell you"

Tommy smiled "That's great K, really it is"

There was silence after that. Finally Kwest asked "Why'd you leave Tom?"

Tommy sighed then finally said, "For Jude"


	6. Chapter 5: You're forgotten

**Chapter 5: You're forgotten**

Sadie smiled at Kwest as he walked into G-Major records the next day. She'd arrived at work early that morning knowing that Kwest was always one of the first people there, she'd been hoping to get a little time alone with him to make up for her behaviour recently but Kwest had arrived quarter of an hour late. She frowned again, wondering if anything was wrong.

"Hey Sade" He paused by her desk and leaned down to kiss her quickly.

"Hey, Darius wants to see you in his office" She said with a sympathetic smile.

Kwest was nervous regarding the meeting with Darius. He'd been late that morning but Darius didn't usually mind that kind of thing, he couldn't think of anything else he'd done that would warrant a lecture. Shrugging it off he determined not to worry as he stepped into Darius' office.

"Kwest! Have a seat Man" Darius said from his position behind the desk, he smiled broadly which further boosted Kwest's confidence.

"Hey D, What's up?" Kwest asked as he sat down.

"I've been noticing how hard you've been working lately" Darius said as he softly drummed his fingers against the desk "And I was thinking maybe it's time you move up in the G-Major family"

Kwest smiled, "I'm all for that"

Darius nodded, "I've got two offers for you. Number one, I'd like you to produce Jude's new album. I know that fued with Tommy didn't last very long but you two worked together well when you worked with her last."

Kwest nodded though he felt his insides churning a little. He didn't feel overly comfortable with replacing his best friend and he knew Jude wouldn't be too stoked with the idea. Each time a new thing that showed Tommy wasn't coming back presented itself she'd flip out. When Darius emptied Tommy's office she died her hair black, when Tommy's parking space was assigned to someone else she got a new tattoo on her shoulder and when Tommy's apartment was put up for lease she went out to a party and didn't come back till the wee hours of the morning. Sadie had to help her up the stairs, as she was too drunk to do it herself.

"And the second thing-" Darius continued, "You always said you'd like to try your hand at directing. Jude and Guy are shooting their video for 'Good-bye to you' next week. How would you like to take the helm?"

Kwest grinned.

---

"What's on your mind Rock star?" Kwest asked as he sat down next to me. He had searched all of G-Major before finding me sitting on the fire escape in the back alley where Tommy and I had kissed, back during my disastrous sixteenth birthday.

"Just reminiscing," I said with a forced smile, "Hey, congratulations on your promotion"

Kwest looked a little taken aback for a moment, "I guess Darius check it over with you first. Are you sure you're ok with me taking over for Tommy?"

I nodded, "I have to be, anyway. I need a producer and Tommy's… nowhere to be found" I glanced over at Kwest who had an unusual expression on his face "You ok, Kwest?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. So, do you have any ideas for the 'Good-bye to you' video?"

I sighed, "I think I'm going to bow out of the treatment on this one. I'll do whatever you come up with."

"Anything?" Kwest laughed, "That's a dangerous promise."

I smiled "You're like a brother to me Kwest. I trust you"

I'm sure I was imagining it but Kwest seemed to visibly pale at the latter half of my statement. If I didn't know better I'd think he was feeling guilty about something.

---

Sadie was sitting at the kitchen table with her laptop open in front of her when I got home that night. "This paper is a nightmare," She muttered as she drummed her fingers on the tabletop.

I leaned over her shoulder, "Wow, Sade; how long have you been working on this?"

"Two hours" she smiled, "But you could tell right?"

I laughed, eyeing the two paragraphs of text "Yeah, like, totally!" I said in my best blonde cheerleader voice. I opened the pantry and started rummaging through for something to eat.

"You know what I think?" She asked, turning to face me "I think we're due for a girls night out; just the two of us. What do you say?"

"That sounds like the very dose the doctor ordered" I said with a grin.

---

"I don't know" Sadie whined for what seemed the umpteenth time that night. "Clubbing Jude? Why don't we just go to a nice restaurant or something?"

"Because this is what I feel like doing" I said as I took her hand and led her up to the door "And I know deep down it's what you feel like doing too. Thing about it Sade, the music, the lights the total abandonment of logic and inhibition"

"The first bit sounded ok but I'm not so sure about the inhibition thing" She allowed me to drag her through the front door. Instantly we were in a room that seemed to virtually vibrate with the loud beat of the music and the dancing bodies that crowded it. "I don't like the sound of losing my inhibitions!" Sadie yelled to be heard over the music "I quite like my inhibitions, we're good friends."

I had to smile. A year ago, those words would have been coming out of my mouth and Sadie would have been the one dragging me on to the dance floor. We'd both changed so much recently. Since her relationship with Kwest Sadie had settled down a little and become a less wild and more comfortable in her skin. Maybe she was just getting old but she no longer sought out potentially dangerous situations or set out to stir up trouble regardless of who it hurt.

"Since when do you despise your inhibitions?" Sadie continued, as if she didn't have to ask.

"Just shut up and dance!" I yelled as we found a spot on the dance floor and I began to sway to the music.

---

"Don't you think you've had enough Jude" Sadie asked as she watched me drink another martini.

My vision was starting to get a little blurry and I felt reasonably confident that if I tried to walk at this point that I would have a difficulty but since I was sitting that wasn't going to be a problem. "I'm fine" I said putting extra effort into making sure my words weren't slurred.

I couldn't work out what had happened. The night had started out so hopeful, like maybe I could go out with my sister who had recently become one of my best friends. I thought we could go out have fun and forget our problems. It was not working. I kept telling myself that maybe the next drink would achieve that, maybe it would blur my memory a little and allow me to just live in this moment, just tonight.

"Jude" Sadie reached out and placed a hand over mine. There was such sympathy in her eyes that I felt tears starting to blur mine. "It's OK, Jude"

I laughed (loudly and drunkenly), "Sure Sadie. Everything's flippin' excellent!"

"Jude, come on, lets just go home. I think we're both partied out for the night"

"I'm not!" I held up my glass and laughed again "My '_something to get rid of him_'" I said, quoting the lyrics to 'Skin'. The laughter turned to tears and I dropped the glass on the table. It didn't break but alcohol spilled everywhere splashing Sadie and myself.

Sadie didn't swear or yell, though I could tell she wanted to. She calmly opened her purse and took out some tissues, which she used to dry herself. She offered me one but I shook my head. I folded my arms on the table and rested my chin on top of them.

"That's where I saw him" I said, pointing to a spot on the dance floor. "He left through that door back there" I motioned vacantly to the back exit. "He left… he left… he left" I muttered to myself. I wasn't trying to speak clearly anymore, the words began to slur together. "And now he's gone!"

"Maybe you're better of?" Sadie suggested, "He was a jerk to do that. You don't need somebody like that…"

"You're right" I forced a smile, "I'm better off. Forget Tommy! Tommy you're forgotten! Tommy-" I paused as my voice broke and the tears began to well up again "Tommy - Screw you!" I whispered.


	7. Chapter 6: The Video Shoot

**Chapter 6: The video shoot**

It was a few days later, the first day of shooting on the 'Good-bye to you' video. The first day involved shooting Guy's solo scenes, which included him standing on a bridge in the rain and another of him alone in an empty house. It was Sadie's day off but she'd opted to support Kwest and help out on set. It was between takes when Guy brought Sadie a cup of coffee and asked if he could speak with her.

"Sure, Guy. Take a seat" Sadie said, motioning to a two deck chairs inside the production tent.

When the two were comfortably seated Guy nervously took a sip of coffee then eventually conceded, "It's about Jude."

"Ok" Sadie was starting to feel a little nervous.

"It's just... I keep hearing talk about this Tommy person but no one has explained whom he was or why he isn't around anymore. I couldn't not notice how sad Jude looks whenever he's mentioned. I really like her and everything and I think she might like me too but... she's never quite there you know? It's like her mind is always somewhere else. I guess I just wanted you to tell me that it's just my imagination and not to do with this Tommy dude."

"Oh, well..." Sadie glanced down at her coffee, "It's kind of a long story G"

Guy glanced at his watch "Well, we've got fifteen minutes till the next take. Do you think you could abbreviate?"

Sadie smiled then as carefully as she could she told him the story. She explained how Tommy had been Jude's producer and how they really hit off musically, how Tommy had music in his past too but numerous disappointments regarding his solo career, she told him about her and Tommy dating and how disastrous it had been and finally about Tommy's mysterious departure. She omitted the information she knew regarding the way Jude and Tommy felt about each other. Instead, she just offered, "Jude cared about Tommy a lot. He was her producer and her friend. She really misses him, she worries about him and she's hurt that he never explained why he left or let her know where he was"

Guy didn't say anything and Sadie worried that maybe she'd done some damage to his and Jude's relationship. She wanted her sister to move on and forget about Tommy but she couldn't exactly have ignored Guy's question either...

Kwest stuck his head into the tent "Guy, we need you for this new shot"

Guy got up to leave then turned to Sadie, "Thanks, for letting me know"

---

It was the last shoot for the day. The scene involved Guy standing dejectedly at the side of a bridge, as he puts a hand on the railing his hand brushes against a pile of pebbles some children had left on the railing. The pebbles fall in slow motion down into the water and Guy watches as they disappear in its murky depths.

The camera operator was playing around with the distance for the shot and trying various different angles with Guy before doing the final shoot. Kwest took a moment to check on Sadie who'd been quiet for the last couple of hours.

"Are you ok?" He asked, giving her a hug.

"Yeah, I'm… No, I'm fine" She said with a forced smile.

"Come on Sadie, you know you can talk to me" Kwest said gently.

"I just… I think I might have caused some problems for Guy and Jude" Said admitted, "He asked me about Tommy and I said as little as possible…"

"Look, don't worry about it. He was going to find out about Tommy someway or other. He's kind of a legend turned Urban Myth at G-Major. Besides, if Tommy ever comes back-" Kwest glanced away quickly and didn't finish his sentence, "I think I'm needed for this shot." He turned and jogged over to Guy, the two spoke animatedly and Sadie watched with her arms crossed over her chest. She knew Kwest and she knew that last comment was more then just some passing observation.

---

I swear the sky is crying tonight. The gusts of wind rattling the house are it's sobs and the water cascading down my window is it's tears. What does the sky cry about? Did the earth break it's heart and now it's intent on drowning and destroying it?

I feel like I've lost myself recently. Sometime I feel like I'm merely a spectator standing on the sidelines and watching my life unfold, like it's some kind of TV show or movie. I can't seem to connect to anything anymore. I'm overwhelmed with this desire to run away and hide, only I can't.

I've screwed up so much in my life. There are things... things I don't want to admit, things I try so desperately to forget.

I start the shooting 'Good-bye to you' video with Guy tomorrow. He shot his solo scenes today, he called me half an hour ago to tell me how it went. He was so excited, I remember when I felt that way about filming 'Waste my Time'. Once again, I'm disconnected from an exciting event in my life.

Why Tommy? Why did you leave?

---

Kwest was so excited. I'd never seen him this way. He's always so calm and wise but today he seemed like a little child with a new toy "Jude," He waved a hand in front of my face to get my attention "You start out sitting on the swing. We'll do a shoot of you singing the first verse there then cut some shots from that for the video. Then we want some shots of you standing by the water, you'll stand looking out at the lake then gradually wade into waste depth. The final shot of you alone in the video will be you diving into the water!"

I shivered and gave him an 'are you crazy?' look. The day was cold and I didn't exactly like the idea of getting wet. "Do I get to wear a wet suit?" I asked dryly.

"Actually, no" Portia said as she walked over to join me. "You'll be wearing this" She held up a beautiful black ball dress made of a smooth satin material. It was sleeveless and long, down to my ankles, "The idea" She said "Is that the black represents the death of your relationship. When you dive under the water it's like a washing away of the old relationship and coming up as a new and happier person" She smiled and gave me an impulsive hug then left me standing alone on the lake shore holding the black dress.

Don't you just hate when you feel like everything in your life has some not so subtle double meaning? Like everything is a metaphor and everyone around you knows?

We shot the scene on the swing with very few hold-ups. I had no difficulty putting the emotion into the lyrics. Kwest even complemented me at one stage for the realistic tears welling up in my eyes. I was happy to let him believe it was merely my impressive acting skills.

When it came time to wade into the water I walked out slowly, wrapping my arms around myself and shivering then sending a sad glance to the camera. Finally I took a deep breath and dove into the icy water praying I wouldn't need to do a re-shoot.

When I resurfaced, I made my way back to the shore as quickly as I possibly could. Sadie was waiting for me with a warm towel that she wrapped round my shoulders. As I walked to the makeshift changing room tent, I noticed a figure standing in the woods a few yards from the clearing we were shooting in.

So tell me Tommy, how am I supposed to forget about you when I could swear I see you everywhere I look?


	8. Chapter 7: Home Away Inn

**Chapter 7: Home Away Inn**

I'd been joking when I made that comment to Sadie about hiring a private detective but the more I thought about it the more tempting it became. Didn't I have a right to know why Tommy left? (Maybe don't answer that...) But then I got to thinking, I've watched a good few episodes of Veronica Mars, shouldn't I be able to uncover something myself?

I started out by making a list of all the motels and hotels in the city. Chances were with his apartment leased out he'd have to be staying at a hotel. I knew from wathing tv that hotels couldn't give out information about how was staying with them so I deliberated and eventually decided to call and ask to be connected to Tom Quincy's room, if he wasn't at that hotel I'd apologize and say I must have got my hotels mixed up and try the next one.

I must have called at least twenty motels that night before finally getting somewhere. I'd called a cheap hotel down town called 'Home Away Inn' and asked to speak to Tom Quincy when the receptionist asked "In room 101?"

I nodded (forgetting she couldn't see me), "Yes, please"

She connected me through and I gulped as the phone rang, I hadn't thought this far ahead. The phone rang a couple more times and then he answered. I hadn't recognized that voice when I was drunk, confused and scared but I recognized it now. I felt my mouth go dry and I didn't dare speak "Hello?" He asked again, a note of impatience creeping into his voice. There was a lot of commotion in the background and I could hear cartoons playing loudly. I can't say I ever imagined Tommy to be the kind of person who watched Cartoons. "I'm hanging up now" He said a few seconds later.

I wanted to scream 'No, Wait!' but I didn't. I heard the click as he hung up, a sound filled with finality and then the dial tone. Resignedly I took the phone from my ear and placed it down in its cradle.

"What's up?" Sadie asked as she walked into the kitchen and began making herself a coffee.

Making a mental note to never make another phone call like that in the kitchen I shook my head "Nothing". I grabbed a notepad and quickly scribbled down 'Home Away Inn. Room 101' then folded the paper and slipped it in my pocket, "I'm going to take a shower"

Sadie nodded as I left the room "Fine. Just don't use up all the hot water again!" She called after me.

---

It was the final day of shooting for my new video and there was excitement in the air. Today Guy and I were shooting numerous flashback scenes of the two of us together as a happy couple. The scenes would be brief and appear throughout the video, interlaced with my solo scene on the swing and at the lake and with Guy's solo scenes on the bridge and in an empty house. We went from location to location filming these brief 'candid' glimpses of the two of us hanging out and acting in love.

There was a scene of the two of us walking out of the movie theatre, his arm around my shoulder. I had to smile when we shot that scene because it reminded me so much of our first date (Without Tommy speeding down the street, however.), there was another scene of us having a picnic at the park, a couple of scenes of us painting and decorating 'our apartment' and finally just a scene of us walking down the street hand in hand.

The final scene was our last shoot of the day. It was dusk and everyone was itching to get home. Kwest took us to a remote part of town that I'd never really been to before. I gulped as our minivan pulled up in front of none other then the 'Home Away Inn'. I felt self-conscious as I waited on the street for the camera crew to shoot the scene. I wondered which window belonged to Tommy's room and if he was watching us now.

Guy was talking about the video and how much fun he was having shooting it. I could tell he was wondering why I'd been so distant lately but ever since that night at the club when Tommy turned up I'd been feeling a little romantically turned off toward Guy.

"Maybe we could even tour together someday," Guy was saying, "What's it like anyone?"

"Huh? What?" I determined to concentrate fully on what he was saying and to stop daydreaming about Tommy.

"Touring; is it all it's cracked up to be?"

I frowned in thought, "I guess it's up to your attitude. If you take it what it is and accept the constant upheaval and drudgery of moving from place to place along with the excitement of performing in front of excited fans then, yeah, it's great." I smiled, "I can't wait to tour again. I really need to get out of town for awhile."

"Maybe you and I could go away for a weekend or something sometime" Guy suggested casually.

_Say What? Where did that come from?_ "Guys! We're ready, lets get this thing done" Even Kwest was losing his childlike optimism regarding the shoot.

"Just think" I said as I walked over to him, "Tomorrow you get to start hours and hours of editing. Won't that be fun?"

He glared at me in response.

I tried my best not to look up at the Home Away Inn as Guy and I walked past it. Every time I'd looked in its direction since we arrived I'd been certain I could see someone at a window watching us, then I'd convince myself it was merely coincedence and that to assume it was Tommy would be naive. Instead, I concentrated on gazing adoringly at Guy and when he leaned down to kiss me passionately, I did my very best to not pull away. It was for the video, it was necessary I kept telling myself. So why did I feel so dishonest and unfaithful?

---

After the shoot everyone packed up quickly and made their way to the respective minibuses we'd arrived in, I hung back hoping no one would notice but knowing that idea was delusional.

"Jude, you coming?" Sadie asked from her position in the front seat of the minivan. Behind her Guy looked at me questioningly.

"Um," I glanced around me, "I was just thinking of... I don't know, maybe walking home?"

"Jude!" Sadie was astonished "It's half way across town!"

"I could use the exercise?" I said weakly.

"It's ok hun" Kwest said as he walked over to us. "I've got my car, I can give Jude a ride home"

"Ok then" Sadie slowly closed her door, all the while looking at me as if I were crazy. The car finally drove away and I turned to face Kwest.

"What's up Jude?" He asked.

I shrugged. Kwest's presence was ruining my plan, though as I thought about it I realized my 'plan' was little more then an idea I'd been toying with in the back of mind. I couldn't pass up the opportunity of being so close to the Home Away Inn and not trying to find out something more regarding Tommy's presence. I wasn't sure if I was quite bold enough to go in there and knock on his door but I'd figured I'd take it one step at a time.

"I don't believe you want to walk half way across town at this time of night." He said.

I shrugged again, "Well why are you here?" I asked.

"I have my car." He said pointing behind me.

"Why is that?" I asked again, "There was plenty of room in the minibus. Why didn't you drive with them?"

"Because I had something to do after." He said simply.

I smiled sarcastically, "Well so do I"

"What Jude?" He was frowning now and looking a little more then impatient.

I sighed. What happened to the supportive Kwest who was always there to play big brother? I didn't like the overly prying one who seemed to be seeing right through me.

"Come on Jude, let's not beat around the bush. I know something is-"

"I know Tommy's staying here!" I said finally, cutting him off mid-sentence, "And judging from your reaction" I said slowly, "so do you"

It was his turn to sigh, "I think we need to talk" He said finally.


	9. Chapter 8: More Questions

A/N: Hey guys: Please review with your comments and reactions. I really appreciate them.

**Chapter 8: More Questions**

Kwest led me back to his car and motioned for me to get inside. He sat down in the drivers seat next to me and turned to face me "Look, Jude. I love you, really I do. I think of you as like a little sister. Now, do you trust me?"

I eyed him skeptically, "I suppose so..."

"Then believe me when I say going up there to see Tommy, which is what I think you're planning, is not a good idea."

I turned away from him and stared out the window, "What's going on Kwest?" I finally asked, "Why do I feel like I'm the only one who's in the dark. Has Tommy been in touch with you all this time? Did you just decide not to tell me or anyone at G-Major?"

Kwest sighed, "I hadn't heard from him in three months, the same as you. He got in touch with me when he came back to town. The night before he saw you at the bar"

I turned to face him again, "He told you about that?"

Kwest nodded, "Look, Jude. There's a lot going on that you don't know about. Just trust my judgement that it's best you let Tommy alone to deal with this at the moment"

I put my hand on the door handle; fully intending to get out of the car but for some reason I stopped.

"I can give you a ride home if you'd like" Kwest said gently.

I nodded, turning back to look out the window and doing my best to hide the tears that were quickly pooling in my eyes and spilling down my cheeks.

As we pulled away from the Home Away Inn I noticed a young girl at a window looking down at me; I did my best to smile at her. She must have been about 3 years old... She looked so much like...

_**Stop** it Jude!_

---

Kwest walked me to the door, Dad was away on his business (as he was most of the time these days) so only Sadie would be home. I felt as though Kwest was holding my arm as he led me to the door because he suspected me to run away or do something crazy. I had to smile at the thought.

"Shouldn't you be heading back?" I asked sarcastically as I opened the door and stepped inside, "I mean you were going to go see Tommy before I became an annoying roadblock"

Sadie had walked to the door and stood there looking from me to Kwest questioningly "Tommy again?" She asked him.

I turned to glare at her, "You knew _too_?" I asked, my voice dripping with anger. I turned and stormed up the stairs toward my room.

"What? Jude, no wait. I didn't..." I slammed the door to my room, blocking her out.

At a desperate speed, I opened my closet door and rifled around in the back for a bottle of Vodka I'd hidden there a few weeks earlier. I took off the lid and took a swig. I sank down onto the floor with a silent sob; closing my eyes I pushed out the tears that had been pooling and wished I could push out the pain as well.

---

Sadie put a hand to her head as Jude stormed up the stairs, "What's going on Kwest?" She asked the obviously distraught man at the door.

"Ugh," He sighed, "Jude knows Tommy's in town, she knows where he's staying and she wanted to go see him today but I stopped her."

"Great!" Sadie threw her hands up in the air, "Now she thinks I had something to do with it?"

"Look, I'm sorry Sade, maybe I shouldn't have interfered but I really don't think it's a good idea for her to go see Tommy at the moment. He doesn't want to see her. He's been in town for a week and not contacted her."

Sadie looked up at him in surprise, "What, like he's mad at her or something? If anyone has a right to be mad here it's Jude!" She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

"I have to go Sadie" Kwest moved toward the door quickly "I'll call you tomorrow."

Sadie groaned in frustration as the door closed behind him. 'Just great' she thought to herself as she slowly made her way up the stairs. She paused at Jude's door wondering if she should go inside or if she could get away with just leaving her for the night. As she stood in the hallway she heard muffled sobs coming from Jude's room, frowning she gently pushed the door open and stepped inside.

"Go away" Jude was sitting on the floor by her closet, her knees pulled up to her chest and a bottle of Vodka in her hand.

"Jude, I wish you'd stop doing this," Sadie said as she closed the door behind her and went to sit on Jude's bed.

"I said, _go away_" Jude repeated, glaring at her.

"I swear I didn't know about Tommy" Sadie said quietly, "I did see him at Kwest's the day before you ran into him at the bar, I wanted to tell you but I wasn't sure what to say and then you ran into him the next day and it seemed kind of pointless. Kwest's been keeping me out of the loop regarding everything he knows about Tommy so please don't be mad at me."

Jude ignored her, instead taking another sip of her Vodka.

Deciding to take another approach Sadie sat down next to her on the floor, and took a swig from the bottle herself, "So what are we drinking away today?" She asked.

"Everything" Jude mumbled as she took the bottle back from Sadie and drank some more.

"Just Tommy again?" Sadie continued, ignoring Jude's remark "Because seriously, this is getting kind of sad" Sadie looked at her condemningly.

Jude glared at her in response but Sadie merely shrugged, "Do you think Tommy's was impressed when he saw you at the bar the other night? Too drunk to even stand?"

"It wasn't that bad" Jude muttered quietly. Her eyes began to pool with tears again, "Sadie, I'm such a screw up. With Tommy, with G-Major, with school, with Cassie..."

Sadie moved so she was kneeling in front of Jude and putting a hand on each of her shoulders she forced her to look at her, "Stop doing this to yourself Jude. You've made mistakes, you're human, it happens. I mean look at all the mistakes I've made over the years. No, that wasn't supposed to be funny, don't smile... The point is you can't keep doing this to yourself. Can't you..." She paused, "Can't you just get over Tommy? I mean, Guy is a great person and he really likes you. You could be happy if you let yourself."

"Could I?" Jude laughed sardonically then took another swig from the bottle, "Could I really Sadie?"

Sadie sat back and folded her arms across her chest, "Then maybe I should go back on my advice" she ignored the little voice in her head repeating Kwest's warning regarding Tommy not wanting to see Jude, "Maybe you should go and find Tommy and find out what on earth is going on once and for all. I can come with if you want."

Jude shook her head, "It's something I need to do alone."


	10. Chapter 9: Tommy

**Chapter 9: Tommy**

"Taking chances seems to be all the rage these days," I'd said to Tommy a week before he left. Well Tommy, I'm going to take another one.

I gulped as I pulled up in front of 'Home Away Inn', noting the cracked paint and faded sign as I locked my car and walked up the front step. I had no idea what I was going to say or do; all I knew was that I needed to talk to Tommy... to find out what was going on. Sadie was right, I'd become a really pathetic person recently. It wasn't fair to blame all my problems on Tommy as he wasn't the root of everything. I knew I couldn't heap all my happiness on one person.

Maybe the conversation wouldn't go the way I wanted (I wasn't even sure what I wanted) but at least there would be some form of closure; something that would allow me to move on with my life without constantly watching the door at G-Major and waiting for Tommy to return.

I took the elevator to the 10th floor where room 101 was located. In the elevator I found myself nervously biting my nails, a habit I'd left behind 10 years ago. I walked down the hallway till I found his room but didn't knock straight away. I paused with my fist a few inches from the door then stopped and put the palm of my hand to my forehead as I sighed. A moment later, having noticed the window at the end of the hallway, I decided to go examine the view.

The window looked down onto the street where we'd filmed the 'Good-bye to You' video the previous day. A little mathematical deducting and I realized it was the same video I'd seen the little girl at.

I turned and walked back to room 101 but didn't raise my hand to knock.

I suddenly felt like a 5-year-old child on her first day of school; scared, alone and confused. The world suddenly seemed so big and insurmountable.

Biting my lip I brushed away a stray tear that had escaped from my eye then under my breath I admonished myself "Just do it Jude!"

Just as I raised my hand to knock, the door swung open and I was standing face to face with Tommy.

He raised an eyebrow with a mocking look I'd seen so many times from him in the past, only this time there was a little less playful teasing behind it and more condemnation, "Seriously Jude. How long does it take to simply knock on a door?"

I blushed and found myself speechless. He'd been watching through the peephole and seen every bit of my stalling. Great…

Stepping back, he waved his arm, motioning for me to enter the room, all the time wearing the same mocking expression, "Come in if you must."

I stepped inside and turned to face him "...Are you mad at me, or something?" I finally asked as he closed the door.

"Now why would I be mad at you, Jude?"

I shrugged "Beats me" I mumbled.

I turned away from the expression in his eyes that scared me with it's coldness. I turned in a circle looking at the room around me. It reminded me of Tommy somehow; in the short time he'd been there he'd made it his home. There was a leather jacket draped over the sofa and a copy of Rolling Stone on the coffee table, the room smelt like his cologne and the atmosphere fit him too. There were some oddities I didn't pay much attention too, like a stuffed toy under the table and a small pink blanket on one of the chairs. Perhaps if I hadn't been so distracted and nervous I would have wondered more about the existence of those items.

I walked over to the table that was strewed with various paperwork. As I got closer, I frowned. Spread out on the table was a series of pictures... of me. I picked one up; it was of me the night Tommy left, drunk and sprawled out on the bed in Mason's motel room. I frowned as I faintly remembered 'Anonymous last night boy' taking pictures of me. But how?

I moved aside the pictures to find an envelope underneath, addressed to me.

I turned to Tommy, "You're intercepting my mail now?" I asked, holding up the envelope and tipping my head to the side questioningly.

He walked over to me and snatched the envelope and pictures from my hand, "And you're drinking under age with who knows what type of shady characters and doing potential irreparable damage to your career."

"That wasn't the point," I said, glaring at him "How dare you take my mail? How did you even?"

"Oh, come on Jude! I did it to help you" He rifled through the paperwork on the table then finally handed me a note that read '$50,000 or these go to the press' I looked up at him "I don't understand!"

"You were being blackmailed Jude" He said softly, "I... I tried to deal with it so you wouldn't have to."

I glanced at the pictures again, "You paid the $50,000?"

He nodded.

I didn't know what to say.

There was silence for a few moments then Tommy asked his voice once again stern, "What are you doing here Jude?"

"I... I wanted to find you. I wanted to know why you left and if you were ever coming back." I glanced down at my feet "You know, to G-Major, to me..."

He sighed, "You shouldn't have come after me."

I glanced up at him again, surprised "So I did what I could to find you Tommy? To find out if you were ok, if you needed help and why you left!" I wasn't yelling but my voice was angry, "Really, what's wrong with that?"

He threw his hands in the air and turned to face me, "Everything! Everything Jude!"

"Why are you like this? Even when you were here you weren't honest with me!"

He looked astonished then smiled sardonically "I wasn't honest. How wasn't I honest?"

"You wouldn't even tell me your real last name! You never let me know anything about your past. You told me you left school after Jr. High because of Boyz Attack right? Nothing to do with being expelled and not bothering to go back?"

"Wow Jude! Huge secrets!" He laughed, "This is just so great coming from you!"

I was taken aback by that "What's that supposed to mean? I was always honest with you! With my music, with how I felt about you..."

"And your past Jude?" He was starting to make me nervous, "You're mad that I didn't tell you I was expelled from school, Jude?"

"Stop saying my name like that" I said quietly "...what are you implying?" I asked.

He took a few steps closer to me and I backed away until I was standing with my back to the sofa. "You have secrets too, Jude" His face was close to mine and I could see anger and hurt in his eyes, "So don't get all high and mighty about the things I didn't tell you, you kept bigger secrets from me!"

"Like what?" I'd meant to ask it with an offhanded uncaring attitude but it came out small and shaky.

"Like Cassie" He said quietly.

I felt like the air had been knocked out of me and I swear I couldn't breath. Someone must have pulled the rug out from under me cause I felt my legs buckling beneath me and I fell backward onto the sofa, clutching my hands to my face and willing myself to just breath. When I finally regained my composure and glanced up he was still standing there looking down at me. I willed myself to believe a little bit of the anger had gone but I still couldn't see that Tommy I felt safe around in his eyes.

"H-How... Did Sadie tell you?" I finally asked, my voice was shaky and close to breaking.

"No." He didn't offer anything else.

"Then tell me how and what you know!"

"I know a three-year-old girl who loves ponies, speaks with an American accent and has your eyes" He said quietly, "Now why don't you tell me your story like you should have done when we met two and a half years ago."

---

Sadie was curled up on the sofa reading a novel when Kwest arrived, "I've come to check on Jude" He explained after hugging Sadie in greeting, "Is she here?"

Sadie felt the blood draining from her face "Um, no... she's not"

"Oh. She left for G-Major early?" He asked "I'll just pop round there and talk to here there" He started walking toward the door.

"No, she's not at G-Major" Sadie said, biting her lip.

Kwest turned back to her taking in her nervous expression "She went to see Tommy didn't she?"

Sadie nodded.

---

I told Tommy everything. All the things I hoped I would never have to reveal to anyone. How when I was fourteen I dated this older guy, I kept it from my parents because I knew they wouldn't approve, even Jamie and Kat barely knew about him. I told him (with as little detail as possible) about this party we went to, how he had too much beer and wouldn't take no for an answer, how I finally just decided it would be easier not to fight it, easier to deal with what was probably going to happen anyway if I let myself believe I wasn't forced.

Tommy had moved to sit next to me on the sofa when I began speaking and though I didn't dare look at him I noticed from the corner of my eye that his fists were clenched.

I told him how one nightmare grew into another. My family and I decided to give the baby up for adoption and keep the pregnancy a secret. I wore baggy clothes and covered up for as long as possible then our family simply went on an extended 'summer vacation' until I had the baby and adopted him out. No one save Mum, Dad and Sadie knew. Even Jamie had been oblivious all these years. I'd named my daughter Cassie and I'd chosen out the adoptive family myself. I could tell they would love her and raise her the way I couldn't do at barely fifteen.

About six months after that I entered and won the Instant Star Competition, convincing myself and everyone around me that I was a normal girl who's life became extraordinary. The truth was a scared girl with a huge secret. A girl who couldn't sleep at night for the image of a baby's face that haunted her dreams.

"Don't you see why I didn't want to tell you?" I asked, finally finding the nerve to turn to face him. He didn't make eye contact with me, instead his focus was on a random spot on the wall behind me. His face was pale and strained "I've felt ashamed of everything that happened since the day I went to that party, since the day I found out I was pregnant, since the day I signed her away to virtual strangers" My voice broke and I turned away.

He tentatively put a hand on my shoulder, "Jude, I'm sorry. I... I guess I didn't wan to think about what happened... I just... I was thinking about your career and how damaging this could be..."

I tried to laugh but it came out strangled by tears, "I don't really care about my career right now Tommy. Is this... is this why you left?" I turned to face him again.

He glanced down at his hands, at the table behind him then back to me, "Jude... there's a lot I need to tell you"


	11. Chapter 10: Explanations

**Chapter 10: Explanations**

Tommy had began to pace around the room nervously. My emotions were on such an overload including fear in regards to what Tommy must now think of me, annoyance at his belief that I should have told him about my past, and concern at what was to come.

"Look, Jude, I don't know where to start, how to say this..." Tommy finally said slowly.

I opened my mouth to say something reassuring, something urging, something I hadn't yet come up with when my attention was drawn to a movement from the corner of my eye. I noticed Tommy's concerned glance a second before I turned.

Standing in the doorway to what I imagined was a bedroom or bathroom was a young toddler of part African-American descent about 3 years old, the same child I'd seen at the window yesterday, the same child I'd thought had looked so much like Cassie.

The toddler frowned at me then waved a bedraggled rabbit soft toy she was holding in the air in front of her. I glanced to Tommy with bewilderment painted across my face.

Tommy shrugged, "Don't say you don't recognize your own daugher?"

I might have opened my mouth to say something - I really can't say. All I remember was a sudden wave of dizziness and my feet turning to jelly beneath me. The last thing I remember seeing was Tommy's concerned expression as he leapt forward to catch me - then everything went black.

---

Sadie and Kwest were frozen in a stand off. The two were sitting at the kitchen table with untouched cups of coffee in front of them. Kwest was obviously concerned regardling what was currently going down with Tommy and Jude and Sadie was frustrated to be the one so completely in the dark.

"Couldn't you just give me some kind of hint?" Sadie asked with a frown.

"Sade! Stop pestering! I'd tell you if-" His statement was cut off by the ring of his cellphone, playing the familiar tune of Jude's 'White Lines' the exclusive Tone associated with Tommy's number. Kwest smiled his sweetest smile at Sadie before taking the cell and walking out into the hallway "Tommy, man, is everthing ok?"

"She fainted!" Tommy's voice was strained, "What do I do?"

Kwest couldn't help the smile that slid across his face "Come on now, what did you expect. You tell her she's suddenly the mother of a three-year-old child - again and that you're now nearly bankrupt for trying to save her from an evil blackmailer! How would you react?"

"Well, actually, I hadn't got to either of those points yet. Cassie walked into the room and wham! Jude was down for the count"

Kwest's response was postponed when he heard the familiar sound of Sadie clearing her throat behind him. He slowly turned to face her, cringing and wondering if he could play the card of annoyance for her eavesdropping. Her expression told him there was no avoiding what she'd heard.

"Someone's blackmailing Jude? And what do you mean about her being a mother?" She asked.

---

I opened my eyes to see Tommy looking down at me. He smiled, "You ok girl?"

I groaned, "Please say it was all a dream?"

I tentatively glanced around me. I was lying on the sofa in Tommy's motel room, he was sittong on the sofa at my side and standing a few feet from us was... Cassie. She looked at me with an expression of waryness and curiosity.

"Sorry" Tommy smiled, "Can I get you a glass of water or something?"

I shook my head and slowly pulled myself up into a sitting position, "No, please just tell me the whole story?"

He nodded then turned to Cassie "Cass, honey, do you want to watch Dora the Explorer in the other room?"

When Cassie nodded gleefully Tommy left the room with her and returned a few moments later, I could hear the high pitched voice of Dora speaking in Spanish from the next room as he quietly closed the door behind him. He returned to the sofa and sat down next to me. He smiled nervously "I forgot how beautiful you were"

I didn't know how to respond or even what to feel. My emotions were on such an overload I couldn't decide if it was elation or fear I felt at his remark.

He gently took my hand in his in a manner that was obviously meant as a comforting gesture then began his story.

At the concert the night before my CD release party Tommy had been approached by a man in the audience. I'd seen all this happen while on stage, gradually Tommy explained the conversation that had taken place between the two. The man hadn't introduced himself but merely said he had information that could lead to the end of my career. The conversation quickly turned into an argument with the man insisting he'd take the information to the press within the next hour if Tommy didn't hear and agree to his demands at once. The two had left the concert to discuss the matter in private.

Somehow information had arisen regarding the child I'd had at the tender age of 15, the blackmailer had pointed out the information would destroy my wholesome image and alienate many of my fans. He had information on Cassie and where she lived, Tommy had insisted who knew nothing of the child's existance and demanded proof before he did anything. The blackmailer offered to take him to Montana that night.

"But why did you say you weren't coming back?" I asked, at this point in the explanation.

Tommy glanced down at his hands, "The guy, he had a picture of you and Cassie at the hospital the day she was born. As we drove to the restaurant - so I could tell you I was leaving - he told me more and more information that led to my believing him. I was angry... with you. Maybe I didn't have the right to be, I don't know." He glanced up at me, his eyes meeting mine "I'd always felt we understood each other better then anyone else and then I found that I didn't know you at all. I was angry with you Jude, so I said the thing I knew would hurt you"

I frowned, "If you wanted to hurt me then why did you pay off the blackmailer?"

He didn't answer but continued his story

He'd flown to Montana that night. The blackmailer gave him directions to Cassie's house with arrangements for them to meet at a restaurant in town later that day. Tommy had been led inside by a maid who he said seemed flustered and upset. She barely asked his name and didn't expect an explanation as to why she was here. Tommy's attention had instantly been drawn to the toddler standing at the other side of the room, the toddler who reminded him so much of the girl who's heart he'd just attempted to break.

He'd knelt down in front of her, observing hear tear filled eyes and her plaintive cries regarding her mother. A woman had entered the room a moment later, she was a social worker - Cassie's parents had been killed in a car crash a few days earlier, Cassie stood to become a ward of the state as she had no close kin and no appointed guardian.

One thing led to another and with a little background information proving his identity and relation to me, not to mention a little boybander charm Tommy had been able to convince the Social worker to contact me regarding Cassie's future. Wasn't it logical to find out if the biological mother might want to readopt her own child rather then placing the child in the troubled world of Foster care? The Social worker had brought Cassie to town a couple of days ago after spending the summer arranging certain aspects of the case. Tommy had been trying to find the right time and the words to explain to me what had arisen. As for the Social Worker she'd meant to get in touch with me when she'd arrived but then a case she'd been overseeing and a child she'd become personally attached to had become extremely volatile with evidence of the Foster parent abusing the child. She'd been busy the last couple of days communicating with lawyers and making arrangements. When she'd been busy with the case she'd asked Tommy to babysit Cassie a couple of times - was what he was doing tonight.

"That explains the cartoons" I said quietly as I thought back to the day I'd called Tommy's room.

"You called a couple of days ago didn't you?" He asked.

My eyes met his "How did you know?"

"I recognized your breathing" As I rolled my eyes in response he smiled and shrugged, "I just had a feeling"

As for the blackmailer Tommy had paid him a, and I quote, 'large sum of money' to drop the story and leave me the hell alone, the man resurfaced a week later with pictures of me drunk the day after Tommy had left. 'Anonymous last night guy' had been a friend of his who'd taken advantage of the incredible luck of running into me at the bar and taken the pictures. The man brought the pictures to Tommy packaged in an envelope addressed to me. The envelope never got sent as Tommy arranged for the pictures disappearance too, he then spent the rest of the summer working with a private detective and digging up enough dirt on the blackmailer to have him put behind bars where he wouldn't be able to threaten me or my career again.

"But why did he address the envelope to me?" I asked.

He shrugged, "I guess he was trying to emphasize the gravity of the situation. I may-" He paused, "I may have gotten a little carried away the last time he and I had spoken. I kind of exposed how I felt about you, he knew he could play me for a lot if he threatened to hurt or upset you"

"So you don't hate me?" I asked.

"No Jude, I Ireally/I don't hate you" He paused, "Are you... angry with me for what I did?"

"I'm overwhelmed Tommy" I said quietly, "I don't know what I'm going to do about Cassie. I still don't think I can handle being a mother but I can't bear the thought of having to give her up again" Tears began to fill my eyes.

"It'll be ok Jude" Tommy tentatively pulled me into his arms, "I know you and you can handle anything"

I rested my head on my shoulder as Tommy gently stroked my hair in the same way he'd done on my seventeenth birthday when we were trapped in the Warehouse. I slowly pulled away then brought my eyes up to meet his gaze, our eyes locked upon one another and as I stared into their blue depths all my problems momentarily washed away. I forgot that my orphaned daughter was watching cartoons in the room next door and that I'd soon have to once again make a huge decision regarding her future and very possibly my own. I forgot that Tommy had broken my heart three months ago and that it had shattered a little more each day since he'd been gone, I forgot the uncertainty and heartache of the last three months, I forgot about Guy, all I knew was Tommy's eyes. The distance between us began to diminish when just as his lips were about to touch mine there came a loud pounding on the door.

"Little Tommy Q you had better open this door right now or I swear I'll kick it down!" Came Sadie's angry voice, "Jude!" She pounded on the door again, "Are you in there? Are you ok?"


	12. Chapter 11: Tommy's return to GMajor

**Chapter 11: Tommy's return to G-Major**

I sighed, typical Sadie. Tommy got up to open the door and I waited for the whirlwind that is my sister to hit.

"Sadie" Tommy said as Sadie walked into the room, "What a pleasand and unexpected surprise," the sarcasm was definitely present in his voice.

Sadie turned to face him, her hands on her hips and her expression one of fury, "How dare you Tommy? How dare you go and do what you did to Jude then come back here like this and mess with her head? What right do you have? Do you have any idea how much you hurt her these last couple of months? Do you have any idea of the things you've pushed her to do?"

I stood up quickly, "Sadie, lets, uh, lets not go there ok?"

Sadie shook her head, "No Jude. He should know"

"Look! Sadie, I can explain ok-" Tommy tried to interrupt.

"No! She's been depressed this entire summer. She's practically an alcoholic now she's been drinking so much-" I could tell she was only just getting started.

Tommy glanced at me in surprise but I looked away.

"Her music has turned to crap, sorry Jude but it's true, and look at her! Morticia much? I mean, the hair- ugh! She's got a great guy in her life but _she_ doesn't even know it because she's still so obsessed with some creep who doesn't even give a damn about her!"

"Sadie!" I yelled.

"That is not true!" Tommy said firmly.

"I just want my sister back" Sadie said quietly.

"You done?" Tommy asked.

She crossed her arms across her chest, "I guess"

I walked over and grabbed Sadie by the arm then led her to the bedroom where Cassie was happily seated in front of the tv, 'Per favor!' she cried happily, repeating Dora's instruction to use the Spanish word for please - Per Favor.

"Look" I said, motioning to Cassie, "Does she look familiar?"

Sadie's eyes widened, "That's not... is it?" Her eyes widened even more, "So that's what Kwest was talking about..."

I pushed Sadie back into the living room then closed the door to the bedroom behind us, "Her adopted parents died." I shrugged and felt the tears beginning to well in my eyes as the sheer massive reality of the situation came flooding back to me.

"Oh, Jude" Sadie hugged me, "What are you going to do?"

Over her shoulder I could see Tommy standing by the window, he glanced over at me obviously wondering the answer to the same question.

"I have no idea" I replied, my arms around Sadie and my eyes on Tommy. These were the two people in this world who truly loved and cared about me.

---

After Sadie's sudden apearance I soon found myself feeling tired, young and scared. I made some lame excuse about having a headache and asked Sadie to drive me home.

I turned to Tommy, "Uh, thanks for... everything" I said, the words seemed so pointless and small, there was still so much that needed to be said "We'll talk later?"

He nodded.

"No disappearing again?" I asked tentatively.

He smiled and shook his head.

"Come on Jude" Sadie called from the doorway. She wasn't as furious at Tommy as she'd been when she arrived but she still wasn't any friendlier to him.

I took a few steps backward, my eyes still on Tommy, his eyes followed me to the door. "Bye Tommy" I said quietly.

Now I was curled up in my bed, hiding under the covers like some child hiding from monsters. If only life were that simple...

---

Guy was concerned about Jude. He hadn't seen her since the video shoot two days ago; since then she hadn't shown up at the studio and wasn't answering her phone or returning any of his messages.

No one else seemed overly concerned with Jude's absence, things were tense at G-Major but otherwise life continued as normal.

He was sitting on the sofa in the lobby, trusty spiral notebook in hand, mulling over the lyrics for his latest song. The lobby, always the center of the G-Major nervous system, was alive with activity. Darius was at the door of his office arguing with some delivery guy, Sadie was at her desk smiling coyishly at Kwest who was chatting with Tommy at the door to Studio 2. Portia and Liam where discussing the photographer for Guy's album shoot in the corner.

Guy glanced up from his notebook when the front door opened and frowned curiously when the commotion in the room came to a standstill. A guy, who looked to be in his mid twenties, was standing there looking rather uncomfortable and nervous, he had short black hair and wasn't overly tall but obviously had what it took to command the entire rooms attention as everyone was still rendered speechless.

"Tommy" Sadie said cooly, "Haven't seen you around here recently."

From where he was standing Kwest started to move toward Darius, his hands up as if to ward him off. His peacekeeping attempts where too late however, as Darius had recovered his voice and mobility and was angrily stalking toward Tommy (Wait? Was this _Jude's_ Tommy?) who looked more then a little intimidated.

"D! Man, nice to see you again" Tommy said timidly.

"In my office now!" Darius said angrily before going there himself and slamming the door.

The room was once again silent and Tommy looked around him angrily, "What's everyone staring at? Get back to work!"


	13. Chapter 12: Hiding

**Chapter 12: Hiding**

Guy was concerned about Jude. He hadn't seen her since the video shoot two days ago; since then she hadn't shown up at the studio and wasn't answering her phone or returning any of his messages.

No one else seemed overly concerned with Jude's absence, things were tense at G-Major but otherwise life continued as normal.

He was sitting on the sofa in the lobby, trusty spiral notebook in hand, mulling over the lyrics for his latest song. The lobby, always the center of the G-Major nervous system, was alive with activity. Darius was at the door of his office arguing with some delivery guy, Sadie was at her desk smiling coyishly at Kwest who was chatting with Tommy at the door to Studio 2. Portia and Liam where discussing the photographer for Guy's album shoot in the corner.

Guy glanced up from his notebook when the front door opened and frowned curiously when the commotion in the room came to a standstill. A guy, who looked to be in his mid twenties, was standing there looking rather uncomfortable and nervous, he had short black hair and wasn't overly tall but obviously had what it took to command the entire rooms attention as everyone was still rendered speechless.

"Tommy" Sadie said cooly, "Haven't seen you around here recently."

From where he was standing Kwest started to move toward Darius, his hands up as if to ward him off. His peacekeeping attempts where too late however, as Darius had recovered his voice and mobility and was angrily stalking toward Tommy (Wait? Was this _Jude's_ Tommy?) who looked more then a little intimidated.

"D! Man, nice to see you again" Tommy said timidly.

"In my office now!" Darius said angrily before going there himself and slamming the door.

The room was once again silent and Tommy looked around him angrily, "What's everyone staring at? Get back to work!"

---

"I see my office no longer exists..." Tommy said as he walked into Darius office.

Darius raised an eyebrow, "That really how you want to start this conversation, Tom?"

Tommy sighed, "Look, I'm sorry about the last couple of months. It wasn't the most professional thing to do..."

"Professional?" Darius laughed a deep and angry laugh, "That is the understatement of the year! My best producer walks out of here without so much as a moments notice or word about when he's getting back and it's a little unprofessional? This label has lost a lot of money thanks to your hijinks, not to mention the damage it's done to your musician's careers!"

"How's Jude?" Tommy asked.

"You haven't seen her?"

"I want to know how she's been these last couple of months"

Darius shrugged, "We've done some damage control but she's starting to make the tabloids. She's been drinking a lot lately and the press is starting to get wind of it. She was so responsible last year but now it's like she's another person. Personally I don't like the new direction of her music, not to mention her new image, but the record sales haven't dropped so I'm happy"

Tommy nodded, "So do I still have a job here?"

Darius stood up, "I don't believe you have the nerve to come in here like that an expect me to give you a job!"

"You just said I'm your best producer and that your artists are suffering without me. Besides, you should just admit it D, you missed me!"

Darius reached for a paperweight on his desk and motioned as if he were going to hurl it at Tommy who quickly jumped out of his chair and headed toward the door, "So I'll be here at 8am sharp." He said as he closed the door behind him.

Darius shook his head and finally conceded a small smile.

---

I felt guilty about missing work the last two days but hadn't been able to psych myself up to it. Mostly I'd watched a lot of soap operas, eaten a lot of junk food and taken the minimum amount of showers (which is none, if you're wondering).

Sadie had pretty much left me to myself the first day but on the second she began to pressure me; "What are you going to do, Jude?", "Jude, you need to start thinking about this", "Maybe there's someone you could talk to. Someone who's been there and could give advice". Yeah, because my situation is so common there must be hundreds of woman out there who've been in my shoes. As if...

Thankfully Sadie was at Kwest's till tonight and I had some time to myself. It wasn't as if I hadn't been thinking about Cassie. She'd been on my mind every moment since I saw her at the Motel. A few hours ago the Social Worker had called me and discussed some of the details. She'd stressed that she needed me to get back to her as soon as possible so she could progress with the case.

There were complications of course. At 17 I wasn't legally old enough to adopt a child and the courts would not overlook this matter in light of my being the childs biological mother. I had given up my rights to Cassie a long time ago and in the eyes of the law I was just the same as any other woman looking to adopt. The Social worker, her name was Sarah, had assured me that she could delay proceedings till my 18th birthday. She'd suggested setting up a fostering situation pending adoption for the next 6 months. I had quickly pointed out that I was still unsure as to whether I wanted to adopt Cassie and the conversation came to a dead halt.

Why wouldn't I want my daughter? Though I hadn't admitted it to anyone; I'd thought about her every day of my life since I'd handed her to her new mother that day at the hospital.

I'd been able to hold her for a few minutes, I'd looked into her big blue eyes and gently traced my finger down the side of her face. She'd been so small, so delicate and so perfectly beautiful. I'd wanted nothing more in that moment then to hold her till the day I died.

Frowning I climbed out of bed, a place I'd spent much of my time these last two days, and went down stairs in search of Ice Cream. I had bothered to get dressed that morning and was dressed in an old T-Shirt and a pair of flannel Pajama pants.

When the doorbell rang and I heard Tommy's familiar voice calling, "Jude. It's Tommy. Are you home?" I panicked. Quickly placing my bowl of Ice cream on the counter I'd hidden behind the island in the kitchen hoping he wouldn't peer through the window and see me.

Eventually he gave up and I heard his car drive away with a backfire of exhaust and a wheezing sound that reminded me of my great Aunt Ruth.

Why didn't I want to see Tommy? That was another of those inexplainable emotions running through every fibre of my being. I quickly returned to the Ice Cream.

---

Tommy was a Portrait of a troubled young man as he drove away from Jude's that afternoon. She hadn't answered her doorbell and not wanting to look the part of a stalker he had eventually given up. He had a gut feeling that she'd been inside and for some reason hadn't answered her door.

Keeping one hand on the wheel he reached for his cellphone and dialed her number. It had been three long months since he'd last called her but the digits were still firmly imprinted on his brain. The call was instantly directed to her Voice Mail. He frowned.

"Jude" He said to the answering machine, "I just called by but no one was home... or you weren't answering your door. Your cellphone is off and I don't know your home phone number at your Dad's. Could you call me? Please? We need to talk."


	14. Chapter 13: A date

**Chapter 13:**

After Tommy left and after I exhausted my last supply of Ice Cream and chocolate I went back up to my room but fought the urge to climb back into bed. Instead I walked over to my windowseat and sat down. Resting my chin on my hands I gazed out the window which looked out onto our back yard and beyond that the back of a park. I could see a little of the lake and a lot of trees.

It was a grey day with the occasional drizzle and the leaves in the trees seemed to droop with some invisible weight, it almost seemed as if the tree no longer had the energy or desire to hold itself up in anymore.

Standing up I reached under the cushion I'd been sitting on and retrieved my journal. I kept a number of different journals. I never wrote day to day narrative accounts of my life; only ever songs or poems. There was the journal I took with me everywhere (the journal Tommy 'borrowed' that one time), there was the journal I kept at home and wrote in when I was in a wacky mood and wanted to write something silly and fun, then there was the journal I hid from private eyes - the journal in which I shared my deepest emotion and the secrets I would share with no one.

If Tommy had taken this journal that day; I wouldn't have forgiven him. If he'd taken this journal I wouldn't have been able to look him in the eye ever again. If someone were to read the many poems I'd written in these pages it would be like revealing my soul, it's every hue and every shape.

In a way this journal was the story of Tommy and my relationship but more so it was the story of my daughter - the story I'd hidden from the world.

I grabbed a pen from my desk and sat down at the window once again. Ignoring the rain that had picked up and was pelting the glass angrily, I began to write.

_Intelligent child with tears in your eyes  
Intelligent child always asking questions: 'Why?'_

_Lovely child the day is through  
Lovely child rest your head to start anew_

_Sweet child I've always missed you  
Sweet child, why do I do what I do?_

_Beautiful child you were just a baby  
Beautiful child I can see you'll be a lovely lady_

_Wondrous child I have a second chance  
Wondrous child give me more then a passing glance_

_My child, I love you, I swear that I do  
My child forgive me for hurting you_

---

Guy was just about to walk out the door of G-Major after a long day of writing and recording when Sadie called after him.

"I was wondering if you had plans for tonight?" She asked.

He shrugged, "No, why?"

"Well, Jude's been a little down lately and I was thinking it might be good for her to get out of the house for awhile. Maybe you could take her out to dinner or something?"

"Sure, that's a great idea" He frowned, "Is she upset because of this Tommy guy coming back?"

Sadie tried to come up with the correct wording. Technically she'd already overstepped her bounds and Jude would be annoyed either way; revealing anything else at this point couldn't jeapordize her health much more then it already had been. "It's part of it" She eventually conceded.

Through the glass window of Studio 2 Kwest watched the two talking and frowned. He knew from past experience that when Sadie got to scheming little good could come of it.

---

I'd completed my poem and was sitting on the windowsill crying when Sadie arrived home. I think at that moment I'd made my decision but wasn't yet ready to acknowledge it. It was merely a feeling of nausea and excitement sitting in the pit of my stomach and hidden beneath a haze of uncertainties.

"Jude!" Sadie called cheerfully, "Look who I brought home!"

I heard her footsteps on the stairs and resisted the urge to dive under my bed. The door swung open and Sadie appeared with a large grin on her face, "Guy's downstairs" She said in a Sadie stage whisper, "He wants to take you out to dinner at _Lyrical_. Wait, have you been crying?"

I lept to my feet, "I can't go out tonight! Not with everything that's happened, not looking like this. Sadie! I haven't had a shower in two days! You'll have to tell him to leave" I began hurrying around the room picking up clothes and rubbish that had been tossed on the floor during my time of hiding.

Sadie shook her head, "No way Jude. You can't stay holed up like this. You've got to get out. I'll keep Guy busy and you can have a shower and get dressed. Put on that blue dress, you look stunning in that"

I dropped the pile of laundry I was holding and glared at her.

Still smiling, she stepped out of my room. As her footsteps descended the stairs I heard her say to Guy, "She's just getting ready. Hey, while you're here I wanted to show you my portfolio. I did some modeling awhile ago. Maybe you could pass my info on to one of the agents you're bound to encounter in the near future"

I rolled my eyes. Typical Sadie.

Grabbing my bathrobe I tiptoed across the hallway and into the shower. My bedroom door was right at the top of the stairs and if Guy had been standing in the middle of our foyer he would have seen me.

After showering I quickly blowdryed my hair and styled it into loose curls. I applied some light make-up, nothing to intense then once again tiptoed back to my room.

I searched through my wardrobe before finally taking Sadie's advice and slipping on the blue dress she recommended. The dress in question was a sky blue spaghetti strap summer dress with a flowing skirt and fitted bodice. The dresses only floor was that it required high heels, no other shoe would like right. I grimaced as I slipped into my silver heels and prayed I wouldn't brake a bone while wearing them.

Down stairs Sadie must have been getting desperate as I could hear home videos playing of her performances in various High School Productions. Poor, poor Guy. What did he ever do to deserve this?

---

Across town Tommy was pacing around his Motel room. He hadn't been able to get Jude off his mind since she'd left the previous day. Granted it was a state of existance he'd grown used to in the last two years but today it had been worse. He felt so responsible for her current dilemna though he knew it wasn't his fault.

Maybe he should step back and let her make her own decision about Cassie. He gotten to know the little girl over the last month and had come to love her dearly. He had so much to tell Jude about her daughter, he wanted to encourage her to make what he believed to be the right decision. But how could he do that when she wasn't answering her phone.

With a growl of frustration he grabbed his jacket from where he'd slung it over a chair a mere ten minutes ago and headed for the door. He'd eat out and try to clear his head a little. He hadn't been to his favorite restaurant, _lyrical_ since that day he'd left Jude there. Pushing that guilt from his mind he began to anticipate his favorite Pasta dish.

Maybe on the way back he could try Jude's again...


	15. Chapter 14: Date Crasher

**Chapter 14: Date Crasher**

Tommy arrived at Lyrical and instanly noticed Jude's black hair as he walked in the door. She was sitting at a corner table and facing away from him. She was with that brat from G-Major, the one that hadn't stopped glaring at him for a second, earlier that day. He gritted his teeth. Was he the boyfriend Sadie had mentioned?

He put a hand to his forehead and debated what to do. He could leave before Jude noticed him, he could proceed with his meal as if he hadn't noticed her or he could go over and say hi: see if maybe he could get a chance to talk to her about Cassie and last but not least - check out this Guy dude...

There was only a moments second thought before he proceeded to Guy and Jude's table with a confident swing to his step.

Guy saw him coming and grimaced, noticing his reaction Jude turned just as Tommy arrived at their table. Her expression was one of surprise and it wasn't lost on Tommy that she didn't look happy to see him.

"Tommy, hi" Jude said with a forced smile."Um," she turned to Guy, "Guy this is my old producer Tommy, Tommy this is Guy, my-" There was an uncomfortable pause before she said "friend and new labelmate"

Guy was looking increasingly unhappy as he shook hands with Tommy, "I've heard a lot about you"

Jude's expression was one of surprise, "You have?"

Tommy frowned, had she forgotten his existance while he was gone or something? No, that wouldn't add up with what Sadie had said. No, it must just be that Jude simply felt uneasy discussing him with this particular person. Yes, he definitely preferred that theory.

Guy smiled mysteriously at Jude and didn't answer.

"Mind if I join you?" Tommy asked.

"Actually-" Guy was cut off midsentence by the waitress who had returned with their orders. "Would you like anything else to drink?" She asked as she placed their meals in front of them.

Jude was looking inceasingly frazzled, "Um, yes, I'd like a red wine please"

"She'll have a Red Bull" Tommy corrected.

Jude glared at Tommy.

The waitress looked uncomfortable, "I'll, uh, come back soon and give you time to discuss this"

---

I glared at Tommy, unable to believe his nerve. How dare he tell me what to do in front of Guy and an absolute stranger? What right did he have?

I hurled my napkin down on the table, "Excuse me, I'm going to the ladies room" My chair squeaked loudly as I pushed it back and stood up.

"I'll join you" Tommy countered.

"I think you'd need to wear a skirt to get in there... at least" Guy pointed out with a smirk.

Tommy ignored him and taking hold of my arm led me from the restaurant.

Dispite my anger I found myself laughing a little, "Tommy, you're not really coming to the ladies bathroom are you?"

The headline: 'Little Tommy Q invading Ladies Bathroom' was floating through my mind but alas it was not to be. Tommy led me through a back door and out into the back alley behind the restaurant.

He let go of my arm and turned to face me, "Can we talk?"

"Can you not tell me what to do?"

"You shouldn't be drinking"

"You shouldn't be telling me what I shouldn't be doing"

"Jude!" He cried in frustration.

I wrapped my arms around me. My blue dress might be hot but it was really cold too. The air outside was chilly and there was a slight breeze running through the alley. Tommy noticed and took of his jacket which he handed to me, "Peace offering?" He said meekly.

I took it grudgingly and wrapped it around my shoulders. It smelt like Tommy, I liked that. Wait... Stop it Jude!

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked.

"Have you been avoiding me?"

I shrugged, "I've needed some alone time. I've had a lot of thinking to do"

"I want to help, Jude. I know it's your decision but I really don't think you should let Cassie go again. She's so much like you it's scary. Jude, she's amazing"

I felt tears start to well up in my eyes and I looked down at the ground. The ground was covered in puddles from the rain earlier that day. I could see my reflection, framed by moonlight like a halo. I was no angel...

I brought my gaze back up to Tommy's face, "Do you think... could you tell me about her?"

He smiled then motioned for me to sit down on the back step, he sat down next to me, "Did you ever see that movie _Family Man_? You know the little girl? She's kinda like that..."

---

Guy glanced at his watch and tapped his foot impatiently. It had been 15 minutes and Tommy and Jude still hadn't returned. He didn't like this situation at all...

The waitress had returned and he'd ordered Jude a red wine. He'd figured he could get in Jude's good books and piss off Tommy, all in the one move. Now if he could get his creds and this date back on track.

A woman with disturbingly pale blonde hair had just walked out of the bathroom and Guy walked over to her, "Excuse me, my girlfriend went to bathroom awhile ago, did you see her in there? She's got black hair"

The woman shook her head, "There's no one in there"

"You're sure?"

She nodded then returned to her table. Guy gritted his teeth.

This was really not.. cool. He was the cute rapper/R&B singer starting to make it huge on the music scene. Girls were throwing themselves at him at an increasing regularity. Heck, he was the next Chris Brown! The next Bow Wow! He didn't need this!

But Jude... he didn't know what it was but there was something about her that just drew him in. He knew she was kinda messed up, she had some things going on in her life that she didn't like to talk about, she was distant and he had his suspicions about her relationship with this Tommy dude... Normally he'd just walk away from this situation. He just couldn't seem to bring himself to walk away from Jude...

He'd been loitering by the door to the Woman's room hoping the scary blonde lady had been wrong and that Jude was holed up in one of the stalls when one of the waiters passed him and exited through a door just past the toilets. There was some random cursing and Guy could have sworn he heard Jude's voice.

He quickly made his way to the door and discovered the Waiter cursing at Tommy and Jude whom he'd almost tripped over when stepping outside.

"Look, we're sorry man. We're moving"

They still hadn't noticed Guy and Jude was smiling at Tommy, "She really did that?" She asked, "That's so adoreable!"

They turned to walk inside and noticed Guy standing there, a look of utter dejection and rejection on his handsome face.

"Guy-" Jude began.

"Just forget it" He said before storming from the restaurant.


	16. Chapter 15: Eyes on the road

**Chapter 15: Eyes on the road, Tommy**

"So, how long did you two date?" Tommy asked.

After Guy's angry departure Tommy had offered to drive Jude home. They were trapped in an uncomfortable silence in his beat up old car as it labored its way through the suburban streets.

Jude glanced at him before returning her gaze to the scenery slowly drifting past the window, "Um, like a week or something..."

Tommy snickered under his breath and she turned to glare at him, "And what do you mean 'were'?"

"It kinda looked over to me"

"Well... don't assume!" Jude responded lamely.

Tommy glanced over at her then returned his gaze to the road, "You could have gone after him you know" He pointed out softly.

Jude bit her bottom lip but didn't respond.

---

I hate this. I hate that my life always seems to be hanging from a thread that's tied to Tommy's finger. I'm not saying he's some creepy puppet master that laughs an evil laugh as he controls my life and plots to keep me all to himself (if he even wants me. If only I knew the answer to that...). It's like he doesn't even realize that every single one of his actions causes a giant reaction in my life. It's like ripples that drift from him to me but only by the time they reach me they're Tsunami size and they wash over me and drag me to the bottom of the ocean where I can't breath and don't know which way is up.

This isn't right. I shouldn't let some guy have such control over my life and happiness. Not even Tommy.

I just...

I love the way he's looking at me tonight. Every now and then he sneaks a glance at me out of the corner of his eye. His expression is one of concern and caring with maybe even the slightest touch of posession. I'm not your posession Tommy but though it's wrong I sometimes wish I were...

"What would you do if I adopted Cassie?" I asked.

The question was completely out of the blue and hadn't even registered in my mind before I'd spoken the words and they were filling the silence in the car.

"What do you mean?"

"How would you react?"

"I'd... I'd be happy, I guess?" He looked at me and shrugged.

"Eyes on the road, Tommy" I didn't want him looking at me like that, with his eyes searching into my soul and mind.

"Would you treat me differently?"

"Jude, I don't underst-"

"-Because I'd be different Tommy. I wouldn't be some lighthearted teenager who spends every spare moment she has at the studio with you. I'd be bandaging grazed knees and helping with homework. I'd be fighting imaginary monsters and reading bedtime stories. I'd be so busy I'd probably even stop brushing my hair."

There were the words I was speaking and the words I wasn't saying, _Would you still love me Tommy? Would my being a mother change the way you look at me? Would you still be attracted to me? Would you pull away?_

He glanced over at me again, his expression intense and his gaze holding mine, "You'd be beautiful Jude, whether you brushed your hair or shaved it all off. If you're worried about your music... maybe it'd suffer a little at first but your life would be enriched by Cassie, Jude, and your music could only profit from that. And if you need help fighting off those imaginary monsters; I'll only be a phonecall away."

I smiled, "Eyes on the road Tommy"

We sat in silence for the next few minutes. It was less an uncomfortable silence and more of a companionable silence. We were only a few blocks from my apartment when Tommy pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned to face me, "Come back to the Motel with me" He said.

"Um... what?"

"Come and see Cassie, spend some time with her..." He said earnestly.

"I don't know..." Suddenly I had butterflies in my stomach.

"Sarah would be fine with us taking Cassie back to my rooms so it could just be the two of you. I'd hang out in my room and give you privacy"

"Oh, that wouldn't be necessary" I said quickly, "I mean I wouldn't kick you out of your own place it's just... what if she doesn't like me, Tommy? What if..."

"She'll love you, how could she not?"

I sighed then gulped before blurting out, "Ok, I'll do it"

---

I picked at my nails and tapped my foot nervously as I sat on the Sofa in Tommy's Motel room waiting for him to return with Cassie. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so nervous. It was more then any pre concert jitters and something akin to my nervousness about giving birth in the days leading up to my due date with Cassie.

I glanced up at the sound of footsteps in the hallway but they passed the door then faded away down the hallway. I began to bite my finger nails and hum the tune to '24 hours' in my head. Oh God, I hate this feeling...

Footsteps approached the door again and I got up and walked over to it. "Here we are Cassie" It was Tommys voice but nothing like I'd ever heard it sound before, he was talking in a sing song childs voice and I could hear Cassie giggling, "Do you want to knock on the door?"

There was a soft tapping sound and nervously I turned the door handle and slowly pulled the door open.

Tommy was standing there with Cassie sitting on his hip. When she saw me she shyly ducked her head into Tommy's neck. I was stuck with how unusual the whole situation was. Here was the guy I adore holding my daughter... the daughter who right now was scared of me and regarded me a total stranger but yet she loved Tommy...

"Hi Cassie" I said softly. I crouched down a little so that I was looking up at her, "How are you?"

She wriggled her nose at me then turned and smiled at Tommy, "Down!" She cried happily, though it came out sounding more like "Don"

Tommy obediantly lowered Cassie down to the floor where she hopped around the room then lent down to examine the pattern of the carpet.

"You're going to have to teach me that sometime kid," I said more for Tommy's ears then Cassie's, "I've never managed to get him to obey me that quickly" I smirked at Tommy who made a face at me.

"I've got a couple of toys in the other room" Tommy said, "I'll get them" He motioned at me to go over to Cassie then left the room.

"So, do you like flowers?" I asked Cassie as she traced the Rose pattern in the carpet.

"Flowa!" She cried happily then nodded at me.

"Right" I said under my breath, "Still grasping the English language. I get it."

I traced a Rose next to me and Cassie watched seriously and started humming the theme song from Sesame Street. I perked up at that. Music, maybe there was something we could communicate with.

"Can you meet me at Sesame street?" I sang softly.

Cassie giggled.

I sung the rest of the Sesame Street song, or at least all that I could remember, then began singing the ABC's.

Cassie rested her chin on her hand and watched me intently, a smile playing on her lips.

As I sung I studied her. She had my eyes and my nose. Obviously our skin tone was different and our hair but I still had the eerie feeling of looking into a mirror, a mirror that showed my reflection as 15-years younger.

She's a part of me. She's just like me. She's my daughter. How could I let her go? P


	17. Chapter 16: The Conclusion

A/N: This is the last chapter so please review and let me know what you think of the story as a whole.

**Chapter 16: The Conclusion**

When Tommy walked back into the room Jude was sitting on the sofa with Cassie on her lap. She was singing a song and clapping; Cassie was mimicking the clapping as best she could and laughing.

He paused in the doorway to watch them. He'd never seen Jude so happy and content. There was nothing of the sad rock star in her.

As he watched Cassie gazed at Jude with a look of pure childlike admiration. She reached out and touched Jude's face with one finger and giggled then took a strand of Jude's hair in one chubby hand and tugged on it gently.

"I got the toys" He said as he put a soft toy and a toy car down on the floor next to the sofa.

Jude looked up at him with eyes every so slightly misted by tears, "I'm keeping her Tom" was all she said.

---

It was a week later. I was sitting on a chair in Studio B, nervously spinning a little to the left then a little to the right as I waited. Today was my first day recording with Tommy. After some serious groveling and menial labor he'd fully earnt his job back. I'd been unsure about working with him after the recent events in our relationship. I'd been unsure about a lot of things…

Sadie was looking after Cassie for the day. She was planning to show Cassie all her videos and Boyz Attack merchandise. As she said – and this is a quote – "The girl needs to know who her future step father was"

I was utterly speechless. I stood in the hallway with my jaw halfway to the ground as Sadie scooped up Cassie and walked down the stairs, "Let's leave Mommy in her denial for awhile" I heard her say.

Mommy. That is such a strange word. It's going to take a lifetime of getting used to.

Cassie is adapting well. She's so young she doesn't really understand everything that's gone on, she hasn't called me Mom yet but she's used to me now. Yesterday she fell over and skinned her knee and ran straight to me with her tears. It was an amazing moment…

My philosophy is one day at a time. Anything else and I'll become overwhelmed and go hide under my bed again. The future is never clear in any situation and I'm still adjusting.

I love Cassie with every fiber of my being. I have since the day she was born. I never stopped. Now I'm starting to love her for the person she is and the person she's becoming. I didn't know her and I loved her. Now I know her and I love her all the more.

"There you are big eyes" Tommy said as he walked into the room and closed the door behind him.

"Hey" I said nervously.

"I saw Guy in the foyer. Are you hiding out in here?"

I shrugged, "I talked to him a few days ago. I apologized for being such a mess since we met and for hurting him. Things are still kind of tense but I'm hoping we can eventually become friends. We have a single to promote after all"

"About that" He said as he pulled up a chair and sat across from me. "I've been listening to your new stuff"

"Oh God" I spun my chair so I was facing away with him, "I was kind of hoping you wouldn't."

"What kind of producer would I be if I didn't?"

"A blissfully ignorant one?" I said with a small smile.

"Jude" He reached out and spun my chair around so I was facing him again, "I like it. It kind of scares me… No, actually it scares me a lot… Just like when I heard about what happened to you while I was away. The drinking especially" He paused, "I worry about you… all the time"

"I'm not a baby, Tom" I smiled, "I'm a Mommy"

He laughed.

"Seriously though; I can look after myself. I shouldn't have fallen apart the way I did when you left but I'm stronger now. It's not about me anymore – my life. It's about Cassie."

He shook his head, "It's about you too Jude. You deserve so much" He reached over and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear then let his fingers linger as he slowly ran them down the side of my face.

"I don't want to be a puppet on a string" I blurted out.

He frowned "Huh?"

I looked down at my hands, "You're the puppet master"

He cupped my chin and brought my face back up to face him, "I don't want to control you Jude. I don't want to hurt you. I always end up hurting you. I want to be a part of your life. Not just your producer or your friend. "

I was speechless as he spoke. My hands folded in my lap and my eyes meeting his as he confessed the things I'd always dreamed he'd say.

"I love you, Jude. I love everything about you"

I was out my chair and in his arms before he finished the sentence. I smiled as I brought my lips to his and kissed him with all the passion I'd felt since I was 15. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close to him. I'd never felt so safe, so secure.

"I love you Quincy, so much" I said breathlessly.

"Thomas" he said as ran a line of feather line and gentle kisses down my cheek.

"Huh?"

"You wanted to know what my last name was – it's Thomas"

I pulled back so I could look at his face, "Your parents named you Thomas Thomas?"

He nodded and laughed, "They were cruel parents" He kissed me again then whispered in my ear "Jude Thomas has a nice ring to it don't you think?"

Ok, Jude. Remember your philosophy. Don't get ahead of yourself. Just take it all…

_One day at a time_

**The End**

Look out for the sequel **_Hiding from the World_** (Click on the authors name to find the link)


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